Hope everyone had a happy holiday!

I had an eventful holiday weekend so far. It’s not what I wanted to be like but hey! It wasn’t that bad I suppose?

Thursday- Boss was cool enough to let us out at noon!

Friday- Had lunch with Stephanie, an old friend of mine from Radford in Charlottesville. She brought her kids with her and met me up at I-Hop for lunch. It’s been a year and a half since I last saw her. It was fun catching up!

Met up with my parents at the crappy Charlottesville mall for a few hours then went to the hospital to visit my brother.

My brother is doing ok…… same as before I would say. At times he is unstable and I’m sure my parents’ visits aren’t helping him very much. They are giving him pressure by telling him what to do…. especially my dad.

Charlottesville had become a sad town for me. I never liked the place and now I actually hate it because of what happened.

Saturday- Visited my brother in the hospital again and brought him lunch with my parents. Me and my mom warned my dad to dim the “pressure talk” at the hospital…..

My brother got a new “roommate”. I suppose this might be good for him to actually be with a person everyday. His roomy’s sickness is very minimal so there isn’t anything to worry about. After lunch, I laid beside my brother on his bed… he was falling asleep because of his medication and I was reading my book. We did chat a bit and told me about pressures from my parents and things like that………. Sad. I hope he will get better.

Got home with the parents in the afternoon from the hospital. Mom and me took a trip to mom’s friend’s place to pick some things up. We sat there and talked about my dad’s illness for a few hours………

Disturbance and pressure:

My mom gave me a pile of “notes” my brother wrote and drew during his depression. She found them this pass week while cleaning out his apartment room. There are about 30 or a bit more pages of random drawings of circles and notes that don’t make sense. Most of them are just writings about him being able to control time and wanting to do a lot of things while times are going slow in his mind. There are also notes and time stamp on each page of him testing out drugs. As I read more in, things became unreadable. It ended up being a bunch of scribbles……….. just like what crazy people does on the walls in their cell. It’s a bit scary.

Then she asked me to go through my brother’s two laptops and delete things…. The things I saw on his computer were disturbing……….

As for my dad, I just hate him so much right now and probably will hate him for the rest of my life. The way he is acting and handling my brother’s situation isn’t helping at all. He encouraged my brother’s suicidal act a few weeks back….. if it wasn’t for me being there, I bet he would of jumped already considering he was under the influence of some drugs. He was the one that ruins our family ever since me and my brother moved to the states. Fights happens every other day….. I should of known it was because of his bi-polar genes that were passed down from his side of the family. He pressure us so much………. I was strong enough not to care about his comments but my brother was too weak……….. and look where he is now. Until this day, my dad still denies he was the cause of this…. You know, he can ruin my childhood and my mom’s life (she chose to be with him) but my brothers….. not my brother. He is too young and innocent to be his victim.

My dad demand to visit my brother in the hospital everyday, and after the visit he would ask my mom to call my brother in the hospital every 5 minutes… and of course she refuse to call…….. when he is there, he kept on making my brother do things he doesn’t want to do and asking him random questions…… talking about his sickness….. that isn’t the way to treat a patient! I really wish my brother can stay at the hospital a bit longer…… I don’t think him coming home is a good idea. I told him he could live w/me if he feels pressured by my dad………..

My mom is also getting annoyed at my dad……. I am asking her to divorce him once and for all…. They should have been divorce 14 years ago when his bi-polar came out but NO… she decide we can suffer through it……. And look where we stand. I hate how weak minded Asian women are. My mom always say things and at the last second she chickens out…… and do the totally opposite by making up more excuses for herself…………….

Pressure is building higher and higher……. I really don’t want to be home right now but maybe god want me to…… because I am SNOWED IN!

Happy holidays guys……. at least I got my dogs with me to make me happy..... and you guys! =)